Generation Diva: Pampering could give little girls the wrong attitude
Lisa Nicita
The Arizona Republic
January 15, 2008
Little girls
usually love to sparkle and shine and play pretend
princess, but today's girls are taking it up a notch.
In recent years, the diva concept has made inroads on
childhood standards, touching everything from clothing
to dolls to parties. Celebrities demonstrating divalike
behavior make big news, while new salons catering to
little girls are finding success in the Valley.
Generation Diva has birthday parties that include
fashion shows and makeup applications. Their dolls wear
tiaras and shirts that read "Diva" in rhinestones.
The girls are introduced to the attitude at birth,
gifted with onesies and bibs declaring their prima-donna
supremacy. What will become of Generation Diva, which
has traded Barbie for Bratz?
David Abrams, a psychotherapist and licensed
professional counselor, thinks the diva influence could
lead to a sense of entitlement. Kids treated like divas,
or temperamental superstars, could come to believe they
deserve such catering throughout their lives.
Abrams, founder of LifeWorks AZ, said beyond the diva
influence is the overarching idea of consumption.
"If you think about it, the more we watch TV or watch
things, it's always pushing to be happy," he said. "You
can't be happy driving a Honda. You have to have a
Mercedes."
Abrams said the more people look outside themselves for
happiness, the less happy they'll be. There will always
be a nicer car, a bigger house and a cooler Sweet
Sixteen party.
Harmless fun?
It took about an hour and a half for Maya Beneke to
transform from an already adorable little girl into a
sparkly, temporarily tattooed preschooler.
Her hair was done up with ribbons and glittery hair
spray. A pedicure left her toes a perky, polished pink.
Her fingernails were accented with lavender flowers.
Even though she is just 4, Maya knew what she wanted
when she sat in the pint-size pedicure chair. She wanted
a full-service pedicure, and politely told her stylist
so.
"I'm jealous," Richard Hippner said as he watched his
granddaughter soak her feet in a vibrating tub. "She's a
regular princess. We're pampering her."
Maya, of Scottsdale, nearly floated to the register
where her grandmother, Judy Hippner, paid for a morning
of beauty for her only granddaughter. Maya's visit to
LolliLocks Kids Salon in Mesa was one stop during her
day with the grandparents.
"It's for fun," said Hippner, of Chandler. "Being her
grandparents is special. Everybody loves to be fussed
over."
Janice Ferebee, a Washington, D.C.-based author, speaker
and girls-youth advocate, just worries when fussing and
pampering bleeds over to spoiling. Ferebee said there is
nothing wrong with teaching the merits of good hygiene
while pampering a child with nail polish and a fun
hairstyle.
But makeup and clothing that isn't age appropriate
should be avoided.
Ferebee said girls today are growing up in a "prefab"
society with endless potentially detrimental influences,
from TV to the Internet.
"We spend much too much time in fantasyland," Ferebee
said. "I think we are raising girls to not have their
own identity and their own ambition."
Ferebee said the diva generation is growing up as
copycats. She's seen preschoolers pretend to be Jennifer
Lopez, one among many of today's pop-culture divas.
"It's frightening for me to see," Ferebee said. "I think
the future consequences are living in a dream world."
Getting the message
Parents might shrug off a toddler T-shirt with a sassy
message, but children often pick up on messages a lot
sooner than adults realize. Ferebee said much of a
child's personality, who that child will be, is
instilled by the time a child is 5.
"They pick up on their surroundings and how they are
treated," she said.
That's why Shawna Strube, 33, of Gilbert, stays away
from Bratz dolls and diva gear for her daughter, Morgan.
She'll bring her daughter for a haircut and style at
LolliLocks. Before dance recitals, Morgan, 7, even got a
pedicure and manicure as a special treat.
"It was cool," Morgan said.
But that's where Strube draws the line.
"She likes the attention here and it's a girly
atmosphere," Strube said of the salon. "I think some
people go to extremes with it. She doesn't come out with
sequins all over her eyes."
Strube said some of Morgan's second-grade schoolmates
have highlights in their hair and wear acrylic nails.
"We're more Disney princess than diva," Strube said. "I
think too many people try to get their kids to grow up
too fast."
Abrams, of LifeWorks AZ, said it comes down to balance.
Separating playtime diva or princess from reality is
crucial, and it takes quality parenting time to do it.
Easier to give in
Rachel Grimmer, 25, of Mesa, admits she is torn when she
sees her 18-month-old daughter interact with her
3-year-old son.
"There's a sass," she said.
Grimmer is torn because she owns Frills to Fairytales,
an in-home party company that brings the diva dreams of
little girls to life. Her parties include wigs for the
girls to wear, makeup sessions, food and plenty of
animal prints and sparkles.
The diva parties, just one theme Frills to Fairytales
offers, include a fashion show. Grimmer said the girls
change once they are in the costumes.
"They believe they truly are divas," she said.
"It scares me. I love to see how excited they get, but
it's one of those things you want them to understand
that it's for entertainment," she said.
Business is good. Grimmer charges about $400 for a party
of 10 kids. She does a party a weekend, sometimes two.
But she can't be alone, at once grimacing at the
influence and succumbing to it.
Ferebee, an author and girls-youth advocate, said
sometimes it's easier to give in.
Marketing and peer pressure, on parents and children,
influence parental choices, as does a lack of a sense of
self as a parent, Ferebee said.
"It's very difficult to fight against," she said, "but
it's not impossible."
In the end, it's important to separate fantasy from
reality, Ferebee said.
"There's nothing wrong with getting dressed up," she
said. "It's being age appropriate."